Today, August 18th, is ‘Bad Poetry Day’ (thanks to my super-librarian friend Jeri for the heads-up!). So, to celebrate, I spent a little time at the BBC’s Vogon Poetry Generator page. If you’ve never read the Douglas Adams classic, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, then rush out right now and get all five books!
Vogons, are considered the universe’s bureaucrats. According to Adams: “Vogons are one of the most unpleasant races in the galaxy. Not evil, but bad-tempered, bureaucratic, officious and callous. They wouldn’t even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters. On no account should you allow a Vogon to read poetry to you.” [Emphasis SKG]
So, in honor of Poetry Day, here is how my Vogon Poetry turned out. Steel your nerves, grab some ear plugs, and read it aloud to yourself, if you dare.
See, see the beautiful sky
Marvel at its big muddy orange depths.
Tell me, Imogene do you
Wonder why the bludgery toad ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel noobly.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your fooblydun facial growth
That looks like
A moldy cheese.
What’s more, it knows
Your krech potting shed
Smells of larch.
Everything under the big beautiful sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm tofus.